My Facebook Thoughts

Monday, March 31, 2008

Lazy Rivers For Dummies And The Completely Clueless

Hello all my faithful readers. Since I started writing this blog it has been visited just over 3000 times. That's an average of 3 per day. At least more people read my blog than people have read Donny Most's autobiography, "I Still Got It!" Thank you for your continued support.

For those three readers I was off last week. The family and I went to the beautiful Wisconsin Dells for a little Spring Break action. We stayed at the expansive Chula Vista Resort. The draw for us was the Lost Rios Indoor Waterpark. Nothing like shaking off those winter blues by swimming and splashing in an 84 degree room.

Now since I don't actually get in the water the park becomes a people watching extravaganza. Waterparks bring out great a buffet of things to watch.
  • There's your standard of beautiful people showing off their great bodies.
  • Then there are those who THINK they have a great body to show off. For some reason this group is usually men with very large bellies and or more body hair than a Three toed sloth. There are the teenage girls who are wearing very skimpy bathing suits, but then are embarrassed by their suits that they try to configure their arms in a effort to cover everything their suits don't.
  • There's the very important lifeguards, who despite there lack of years can make grown men cry just by blowing a whistle a few times. The guards at Chula Vista for some reason wore sweatshirts and sweatpants. It just made me feel less confident in their lifesaving skills, but I don't know why.
  • One thing I saw on this trip I had never seen before. A woman floating in the lazy river reading a book in a a zip lock bag. Each time she needed to turn the page she would unzip the bag, stick her wet hand in the bag, turn the page, remove hand from bag, and rezip the bag. I couldn't tell what she was reading, but from afar it looked like a Dummies book. From afar or up close she just looked dumb.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I Just Shake My Head

There is a phrase, "Only in America". This used to stand for great things. Stories of the little guy rising up from the gutter to change the world. Achievements so grand of size, tears would come to your eyes to view them.

Nowadays the bar has been lowered a tad. I speak of the recent turmoil involving the governor of New York. Not that he was caught up with a prostitute. That, as we know, is an old profession. The fact that a woman's magazine wants him to pose naked is what got my head shaking like a bobble-head.

Only in America would an offer like that be made.

I haven't heard whether or not he has accepted.

The prostitute, not wanting to miss an opportunity, is doing well selling her music online. She did miss out on a million dollar offer though. Turns out a popular video distributor was planning a new magazine, sans nudity. They were going to offer the money to her to be in the magazine. But, someone checked their old videos and guess what? They found her on an old tape naked as a pear. This video company usually gives the girls a free tank top, DVD, or Frisbee in exchange for a video peek at the goodies God gave them.

Only in America would an offer like that be made.

I wonder if she still has the Frisbee?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Chose Your Career Path

Now that the dust is settling from the NY Governor/HOOKER episode, I have a few thoughts.

I read some quotes of THE HOOKER that kinda made me laugh.

"I just don't want to be thought of as a monster," she said. "This has been a very difficult time. It is complicated."

She states this is a difficult time for her. Awe, let met get you a warm blanket you poor sweet HOOKER. Now, I'm not judging her on being a HOOKER. But, when you live the life of a HOOKER I can't imagine your life ever being non-complicated.

We've also heard this woman to be described as an aspiring singer. There are many ways to make it in the music industry.

1. The hard way. Spending years learning your craft. Working in the industry learning about the business. Making contacts and getting your music out where people can hear it. Singing small gig after small gig.

2. The easier way. Spend 24 hours waiting in line at an American Idol mass audition. Make it to Hollywood. Get picked by voters for 3 months. Win the competition and get a recording contract and win awards.

Neither of those paths involve being a high priced HOOKER and sleeping with a governor. I haven't heard if the NY Gov had any ties to the recording industry so I don't think he would have been much help to her singing career.

Some might say this girl was forced into this lifestyle. I will admit that can happen. But, that's usually the HOOKER you see near the 7-11 offering "services" for pocket change. She'll also have a "manager" named Jimpy Jones or something who helps "manage" the money and payroll.

The Gov HOOKER was working in nice hotels for thousands of dollars a night. Her family has come out being very supportive of her during this "complicated" time. One could assume her family would have supported her "aspiring singing" career.

Well, I have news for our newest celebrity. She will forever be known as the HOOKER. She may appear on every adult magazine, every b-level reality show, every talk show from Oprah to Ellen. But she has chosen to be defined as the HOOKER.

Which will happen first? Will the HOOKER win a Grammy or have her own reality show on A&E called, "Hooked on Music"?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Innocent Until You Prove I'm Guilty

Our country was founded with the principle "Innocent Until Proven Guilty". Over time, despite obvious evidence, people who have been accused will plead not guilty just because they can.

We all remember the OJ Simpson trial. Despite clear evidence a jury bought into the smoke and mirror show his lawyers put on and set him free.

Can't forget about the Idaho Senator who said both guilty and not.

Recently, in Chicago, an off duty police officer was refused service from a bartender. Instead of leaving he decided to beat the daylights out of the bartender. The thing about this case is the whole ordeal was videotaped on a security camera. The video is disturbingly clear as this bear of a man pummels the pint sized bartender. His lawyers tried to get him a deal where he wouldn't have to plead guilty and avoid prison time. Legal mumbo jumbo for "I'm really guilty and I don't have a leg to stand on, but I don't want to say I'm guilty." Yesterday his deal fell through, but still refuses to plead guilty. Maybe he kept slipping on the wet floor and his fists and feet accidentally kept hitting the bartender.

Also in New York the Governor there was named in a prostitution sting. He has apologized to everyone so I'm assuming he did something he's guilty for. Yet he didn't resign his office immediately. (As I write this it was announced that he would step down.) I wonder if he thought, "maybe this will all blow over." I wonder, when and if the NY Gov is formally charged how he will plead?

Smart money is on not guilty. But that would be gambling, which is illegal here. Not Guilty, yer honor.

Monday, March 10, 2008

I'll Tell You Where To Park Your Car

While having a conversation with my brother about baseball I became enraged. Specifically, we were talking about the State of Illinois buying Wrigley Field. To be even more specific the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority, ISFA, buying Wrigley Field. This is the group that owns the home of the Chicago White Sox, U.S. Cellular Field, The Cell.

The current owner of Wrigley Field and the Chicago Cubs, Sam Zell, is having a garage sale. After he bought the Chicago Tribune Media Empire, which owned the Cubs, Zell decided he didn't want the Cubs so he put up a For Sale sign.

What frosts my ass is that if the ISFA has a few hundred million dollars to buy and fix up Wrigley, WHY DO I HAVE TO PAY $22 TO PARK AT U.S. CELLULAR FIELD?

The cost of parking in Chicago is always outrageous. At The Cell the price for parking has gone up every year for as long as I can remember. And now it's $22. I'm not sure why they need that much money or where it goes. Let's crunch some numbers.

Let's assume there are 2000 spots for cars at the Cell. There are 81 home games this year. Assuming each spot is taken that equates to $3,564,000.00 for the year in parking fees alone.

There are 7 lots and lets assume there are 10 parking lot helpers per lot per game. Let's give each of them $50 per game to collect our money and point to a spot. For the season that would calculate to $283,500.00.

Let's pay another $100,000.00 to paint lines and clean up the garbage.

They still make over $3 million. They could charge us $2.50 and still cover all their parking costs.

But, with the ISFA willing to buy Wrigley Field for a few hundred million dollars I want to park for free at a park I technically own.

I know two things will never happen. I'll never get to park for free at the Cell and regardless of who owns the Cubs they will never win a World Series.

Friday, March 07, 2008

I Hate Brett Farvernutterbutterfrugenstein

As a Chicago Bear fan you get to watch one of the most storied teams in the NFL. With that comes one of the greatest rivalries as well, the Chicago Bears vs. the Green Bay Packers. In my life the rivalry has swayed back and forth many times.

But, ever since Brett Favre came to Green Bay they have had an edge.

When I say I hate Favre I mean that out of respect. I stopped wishing for him to get hurt awhile ago and just watched him play. I think he was so successful because he just seemed to be having fun. I think there's a life lesson there.

In Chicago we have had our share of great athletes to watch so we know a great one when we see one. Favre qualifies and then some.

I'm happy he's gone, but I'm happy I saw him play.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Sweet Sixteen?

I want to send a message to the Democratic Party.

Put the Clinton-Obama ticket together now PLEASE!

Don't they realize they could hold the White House for at least the next 16 years? By putting Clinton on the top of the ticket now diffuses the "experience" angle the McCain camp would throw at Obama. While I don't think it is relevant point it is something the GOP would emphasize.

Now, assuming Ms. Clinton can repeat what Mr. Clinton did, don't worry I don't think Monica has a brother, the Democrats take the next two terms. Then come 2016 it's Obama time.

With 8 years of experience Obama walks into the White House with ease for 8 more years.

By 2024 this country should be able to have recovered from the current Bush. Then maybe Michelle Obama could take a run for the top spot.

Dare to dream.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

I'll Take Democratic Hopefuls For $200 Alex

I really wish there was a law that prohibited "political advisers". If you have been watching the election process you will see the many different faces vying for President, and that's just Clinton. As the primaries moved forward each candidate would alter their persona based on how many votes they had previously received. For me, I never feel like I know who the candidate really is.

It's no secret that Clinton has been trailing Obama in the vote for weeks. Her "people" have changed her persona more times than Joan Rivers has changed her face. This past week, feeling at a total lose, just threw Clinton out there and said do whatever. She was on Saturday Night Live and the Daily Show basically making fun of herself. And, it worked! She's back in the race. Which means her "people" will make her serious again.

Obama has been fairly even keeled. I haven't seen much change in his persona since he ran for the U.S. Senate. I have a feel for who he is. Many point out his lack of experience to be President.
I have two thoughts on that point.

1. Not having the same old ties to the way things have always been done can't be a bad thing.
2. What were George W. Bush's qualifications to be President?
a. Same name of former President.
b. A "C" average student.
c. Owner of a below average baseball team.
d. Governor of Texas.

Clinton and/or Obama both have the best single qualification for President,

They are not Bush.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Baseball Is In The Air

Good morning sports fans. I am going to turn my attention to something fun today, baseball. Yes, the boys are throwing the leather around in Spring training and I'm excited for Summer.

My readers know I'm not afraid of stirring the pot of controversy, so somebody hand me a spoon. As a White Sox fan I'm here to tell you Cub fans your season is already starting out flat.

If you read the stories coming from the White Sox camp you hear talk about baseball. We have players already having fun, learning fundamentals, and trying what to do with too much talent.

If you read the stories coming from the Cub's camp you hear a player wanting to be traded, the manager blowing up already, new Wrigley seats being auctioned for up to $75,000, and what to call the ballpark.

This just fuels my fire that the White Sox are a baseball team and the Cub's are are are, I don't know what they are. I just know playing winning baseball is not a priority to the Cub's. Not this season or for the last 100 seasons.

White Sox fans know the season will be tough with Cleveland and Detroit around. Cub fans are worrying what stock fund to liquidate so they can sit in the front row at soon-not-to-be Wrigley Field.

Play Ball fans!