My Facebook Thoughts

Monday, November 30, 2009

Grab A Tiger By The Toe

Over the weekend I saw a news alert that Tiger Woods had been seriously injured in a car accident. I, like many, who have a great deal of respect for TW was genuinely concerned for his health. As time passed, the world breathed a sigh of relief that he was going to be OK.

Now we want to know the details. TW isn't really being that open about the incident that required police and a trip to the hospital. Here is the only statement from TW.

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I'm pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it's obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.

Sure you deserve privacy, but you're a celebrity and we want to know ALL the "embarrassing" details.

Here's what we know.
  • At 2:30AM TW drives away from home.
  • Hits fire hydrant
  • Hits tree
  • Wife uses golf club to free TW
  • A 911 call was made
  • Police arrive
  • Medical assistance arrive
  • TW's privacy is now the world's #1 obsession

In light of factual evidence we are forced to fill in the blanks ourselves.

1. Why was TW leaving his home at 2:30AM?
a. to go work out
b. running away from home
c. running away from an enraged jealous wife
d. he was hypnotized to drive away when hearing code word, Zokvelt

2. Why did he hit the fire hydrant?
a. he was trying to text on his cell phone
b. he was swerving to miss a squirrel
c. he was trying to shake his wife off the hood of his car
d. he hates green fire hydrants, and think they should be red or removed

3. Why did his wife use a golf club to rescue TW?
a. she saw TW unconscious
b. she wanted to finish the jealous rage she started
c. in their neighborhood golf clubs are laying all over the ground
d. her caddy suggested that versus a rock

4. What caused TW's injuries?
a. he hit his head after pin-balling off the fire hydrant and tree
b. his wife worked him over in a jealous rage over rumors she'd heard on TV
c. he cut himself like pro wrestlers do to appear more injured
d. TW is really a vampire. (TW = TWilight, coincidence? Maybe)

5A. If he paid $2.4 million for his house shouldn't he have more space?
5B. Why is Wesley Snipes' house right on top of TW's house.

6. What type of club did his wife use, an iron, a wood or putter?

7. Why is Oprah retiring?

8. Paris Hilton?

The world is waiting Mr. Woods the world is waiting.


Scott Plocharczyk said...

You have WAY TOO MUCH time on your hands

Mark Ploch said...

I was writing that blog since Saturday in my head.

CFandl said...

Tigger was stepping out on the Mrs and she went after his cheating butt. What is so hard to figure out?

Mark Ploch said...

CF you have no imagination do you?

Cousin Linda said...

He saw the commercial "Are you hungry?" and needed a bag of gaggers from White Castle. OOPS! Backing out of the driveway with White Castles on your mind can be dangerous to your health just as much as actually consuming them.

PeaKay40 said...

I like question 1 answer 6.
The rest were very entertaining too.
It's too bad that he's as rich as he will cover up
everything that you or I would never get away with.
Hitting and destroying a fire hydrant would surely get us arrested for destroying public property but TW opens his wallet and pays for the hydrant and all is well with the world.

As soon as the media gets a better story TW's story will ride away into the sunset.

However some of his connections with big name products may be disconnected permantly.

Tara said...

I think he hit the fire hydrant to cover the fact his wife beat the crap out of him. I gotta say if I found out my hubby was cheating he would not have made it out of the house breathing.

Mark Ploch said...

Note to self: Don't cheat on Tara, ever!