My Facebook Thoughts

Monday, March 23, 2009

Bonus Shmonus

Dear AIG,

I am offering you my services for employment. I have 19 years of business experience. I have worked with two Fortune 10 companies and a variety of small businesses as well. My salary requirements are $70,000 annually, health, life, dental, and 6 weeks vacation. I do not want or require a bonus for either retention or merit. I will let the company decide on any potential holiday type bonus'.

I don't want a retention bonus because I believe that is what my salary is for. I'm one who believes that doing your job correctly is important.

I will admit my knowledge is primarily in the information technology field. I realize you have no requirements on hiring knowledgeable employees. If you did, my guess is that your current and former employees wouldn't have tanked your company and in doing so brought the world's economy down with it.

I'm a fast learner, so if any remaining employees that actually know what they're doing are available, I can and will learn from them.

I do have one bonus type request. I want an unlimited number of referral bonus' of $20,000 for every employee I bring in to the company. There are millions of hardworking and ethical unemployed folks out here that will work for way less than the $250,000 you are currently paying. So even with my referral bonus you'll still be ahead. Oh, I wouldn't mind a ride in the company jet if you still have one.

Sincerely,

Mark P.

26 comments:

bill said...

did you see that they are suing the government for about 300 million for some tax thing? they were only given about 200 billion dollars. never enough.

Mark Ploch said...

Did not see the lawsuit news. Would not surprise me at all.

Anonymous said...

As The Donald would say Mark:

You're fired!!!

HA HA TEE HEE HA HA

Mark Ploch said...

Donald would more than likely say, "Can I have a few billion dollars too? My ex-wives are costing me a friggin' fortune"

HO HO HO TAA TAA HO HO HO

Scott Plocharczyk said...

I just read the lawsuit story, http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/business/20aig.html, and they really have no clue that the world is watching them. Sad.

Tara said...

They have to know the world is watching, they are just so greedy, they don't care.

I think they should hire you Mark. Me too, I don't have the experience but I am a quick study and I learn from my mistakes. I only require bonuses when I do a GOOD job, never been one to demand to be rewarded for a bad one.

Mark Ploch said...

Sorry Tara, you are over qualified. You admitted you learn from your mistakes, sorry.

B.H.O said...

Mark & Tara,

Hire you two?

Surely you jest.

Capitalist Pig said...

Nothing like striving for complete mediocrity. When the person in the cube next to you gets a bonus and you don't because you said you didn't want it let's see how fast you put your hand out.

As I recall, somewhere else in this blog you feel that you deserve as much as anyone else. So, don't tell me you'd be simply satisfied with the package you described.

I think the cost of living is much less and the pay slightly less but I think they have this kind of job security in North Korea.

Mark Ploch said...

Dear Pig,

What would you rather have $250,000 or nothing? $75,000 or $20,000?

What I was trying to point out is I'll take way less then the boneheads at AIG are getting and I'll tank the company just as well.

I've taken bonuses for work I've done.

The whole issue is how can you offer/accept a bonus when your company, in part, has brought down the world's economy? Bonuses are usually given when companies have done well. WELL. Gathering billions in bail out cash is not my definition of , WELL.

What's your definition

Capitalist Pig said...

I would bet money on the fact that if you were a computer programmer at that company and you made a decent wage you'd want your bonus. You'd look at the rest of the world and say 'hey, this isn't my fault! I did what I was told!" You'd want it because you would have felt that the criteria on which you are judged for your bonus has only a portion to do with the overall company's market position but rather that you were a good worker with respect to the projects you were responsible for. You're lumping in the common guy with the executives. In your eyses everyone is guilty. If it were only that simple. I would also think that you would agree with the fact that in a lot of cases it's the common guy that keeps the company cogs going. With all due respect, I think you're being hipocritical. I think any who isn't an executive at any company wouldn't feel socially responsible for this mess to the point at which they felt charitable enough to give away their bonus.

bill said...

how is accepting bonuses from taxpayers capitalism?

Mark Ploch said...

Dearest Pig,

I'm more blaming the company for OFFERING ANY bonuses.

Yes, most people would take money when offered. I've never been in a situation where I couldn't use extra cash.

Every bonus I have ever received was from a company not filing for bankruptcy.

Any company accepting billions of tax payers dollars is not in the position to be handing out bonuses.

Again, my blog was to point out that a $250k employee could be replaced very cheaply and achieve the same outcome, bankruptcy.

How is it I'm a hypocrite?

BTW, The common man isn't making $250k.

CFandl said...

Capitalist Pig schooled Mark.

Next.

Mark Ploch said...

OK, CF. If you think that was being schooled, I now can understand why you think AIG has done nothing wrong.

I guess you schooled me too.

Like, for sure, not!

Capitalist Pig said...

You're implying in your post that ALL AIG employees are lazy and unethical and that they all make $250K and then say that nobody there deserve a bonus. Then you state your complete lack of understanding of how an AIG employee would even accept a bonus as if they should be morally responsible to the taxpayers. You're a hipocrit because your implying that you would be that saintly person and not take the bonus. I say that's total BS and you'd take the money...don't confuse should vs. would...should they? No. Would they? Yes.

Captitalist Pig said...

BTW - Accepting bonuses from taxpayers is opportunism. Maybe it could be capitalism in that they're capitalizing on the situation. Does the label really matter?

Mark Ploch said...

Dear dear Pig,

"Accepting bonuses from taxpayers is opportunism."

I would argue it is a felony when your company is bankrupt and only continues to exist because of MY FRIGGIN' DIME!

Capitalist Pig said...

If you worked there you'd still take the money; probably even with more enthusiam because you'd feel like it's your tax dollars anyways. Might as well get some of it back. Right?

CFandl said...

Markie,

Where did I ever say that what AIG did was right? If I had my way none of those f'ed up companies would get any bailout money.

Capitalist Pig has you dancing pretty good there. Sort of reminds of your hero Comrade Obama.

Mark Ploch said...

Pig, No.

CF, No dancing here. Just standing my ground.

Mark Ploch said...

Nothing more socialist than offering and accepting those bonuses for poor performance.

Scott Plocharczyk said...

Well this looks like a brouhaha.

I think the problem here is that the communicating is not working.

We all would certainly take a bonus if given one. We're not stupid.

The problem is AIG has been given over $180bb of taxpayers money to help them correct their mess yet they are rewarding those executives who created this problem with large bonuses. It would be like giving a bus driver $10k for just crashing his bus and injuring the passengers.

Do these people deserve them? No, and they should look within themselves and return those bonuses.

Now the people who do all the grunt work like programmers, office people,etc. at AIG should not be punished unless they deserve it and reward them for their efforts.

This is about the guys running the company into oblivion and they should not be rewarded.

Mark Ploch said...

YEAH!

bill said...

don't forget that these Socialists are also suing the government in addition to the bonus money.

CFandl said...

The issue isn't getting a bonus. The issue is giving bonuses with money that was intended to bail out a business that is in trouble.

There is nothing socialist about what those tools at AIG are trying to do (nice try Mark). Their actions are all about unchecked greed. Plain and simple.

If we want to talk about Socialist's we can easily start a thread about Obama, Pelosi, Frank and Co.