Lazy Rivers For Dummies And The Completely Clueless

Hello all my faithful readers. Since I started writing this blog it has been visited just over 3000 times. That's an average of 3 per day. At least more people read my blog than people have read Donny Most's autobiography, "I Still Got It!" Thank you for your continued support.

For those three readers I was off last week. The family and I went to the beautiful Wisconsin Dells for a little Spring Break action. We stayed at the expansive Chula Vista Resort. The draw for us was the Lost Rios Indoor Waterpark. Nothing like shaking off those winter blues by swimming and splashing in an 84 degree room.

Now since I don't actually get in the water the park becomes a people watching extravaganza. Waterparks bring out great a buffet of things to watch.

• There's your standard of beautiful people showing off their great bodies.
• Then there are those who THINK they have a great body to show off. For some reason this group is usually men with very large bellies and or more body hair than a Three toed sloth. There are the teenage girls who are wearing very skimpy bathing suits, but then are embarrassed by their suits that they try to configure their arms in a effort to cover everything their suits don't.
• There's the very important lifeguards, who despite there lack of years can make grown men cry just by blowing a whistle a few times. The guards at Chula Vista for some reason wore sweatshirts and sweatpants. It just made me feel less confident in their lifesaving skills, but I don't know why.
• One thing I saw on this trip I had never seen before. A woman floating in the lazy river reading a book in a a zip lock bag. Each time she needed to turn the page she would unzip the bag, stick her wet hand in the bag, turn the page, remove hand from bag, and rezip the bag. I couldn't tell what she was reading, but from afar it looked like a Dummies book. From afar or up close she just looked dumb.

I Just Shake My Head

There is a phrase, "Only in America". This used to stand for great things. Stories of the little guy rising up from the gutter to change the world. Achievements so grand of size, tears would come to your eyes to view them.

Nowadays the bar has been lowered a tad. I speak of the recent turmoil involving the governor of New York. Not that he was caught up with a prostitute. That, as we know, is an old profession. The fact that a woman's magazine wants him to pose naked is what got my head shaking like a bobble-head.

Only in America would an offer like that be made.

I haven't heard whether or not he has accepted.

The prostitute, not wanting to miss an opportunity, is doing well selling her music online. She did miss out on a million dollar offer though. Turns out a popular video distributor was planning a new magazine, sans nudity. They were going to offer the money to her to be in the magazine. But, someone checked their old videos and guess what? They found her on an old tape naked as a pear. This video company usually gives the girls a free tank top, DVD, or Frisbee in exchange for a video peek at the goodies God gave them.

Only in America would an offer like that be made.

I wonder if she still has the Frisbee?