This morning I was looking at some files on my computer and found a Christmas poem I wrote 17 years ago. I was looking for one I wrote with my brother back in 1978, but this will do for now. I hope you will enjoy it.
The Spirits and St. Nick
A distortion by Mark Plocharczyk
'Twas the night before Christmas', when all through the bar,
The martinis were being shaken, not stirred in a jar.
All the olives were stuffed with pimento and care,
In hopes that ST. Nicholas soon would be there;
With mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap... NOT!
We were feeling a little warm after a Grand Marnier shot.
When out on the lawn I heard this great noise,
I didn't move an inch, thinking it just some neighborhood boys.
I heard the noise again, but this time I moved quick,
Peered out of my window and saw jolly St. Nick.
I put on my slippers and ran down the stairs,
I went to the bar to check on the beers.
As I was closing the fridge and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in red from head to toe,
There was a gleam in his eye when he said, "Sett’em up Joe!"
I poured him a beer, his face was so bright,
He told an old joke, that Rudolph only drank lite.
We toasted Christmas and all the holiday joys,
He then went to work filling the stockings with toys.
A few toys fell to the floor, I think Santa was loopy,
He seemed kind of confused, as he tried to feed the toy Snoopy.
He said, "Thanks for the spirits, but I really must go."
He went up the chimney and back to the snow.
He jumped in his sleigh, his reindeer so tame,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, DISHER! now, FLANCER! now, PRANSFER and FLIXEN!
On, COMPET! on CLUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN! To the top of the porch! to the
top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! Dash away all!"
Although he slurred the first few names of the deer,
The jolly old elf was fine, as there were no more effects from the beer.
I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME BECAUSE I'M ALRIGHT."