My Facebook Thoughts

Thursday, January 01, 2009

The 2009 We Will Soon Know

This past week I have been in deep seclusion trying to create a list of predictions for the new year. I have always wanted to do this, but have never been summoned by "the other world" to help me. Plus, I figure if that whack job "prophet" in Utah can do it, so can I.

The Economy
Clearly this is what people are most concerned about. This is what I foresee.
The government is going to release a stimulus package that gives ever registered voter $1 million. This will cause a mass retirement. Florida and Arizona will become the most populated states. The cruise industry will boom as will Greek owned family restaurants. Prime time TV will begin at 5PM. Most products will need to be made outside our borders due to lack of a workforce. But, Taiwan will become the 51st state so we can still sell "Made In the USA" items from Walmart and the Oriental Trading catalog.

Paris Hilton will be found out to have no entertaining value. Crushed by this news she will marry and Cohost a new reality show with Gary Colemen tentatively titled, "What You Talking About Hilton?". The show will follow the newlyweds as they travel the world staying in Daddy's finest hotels. Ironically the show will be sponsored by Holiday Inn Express.

Oprah's show will loose some thunder when she hires a llama to cohost. The new show theme song will be as follows:

Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes will divorce when Holmes discovers that Scientology is a totally made up "religion". In divorce court Cruise will begin talking to his hand who he believes is the risen Xenu. In the end he sells the movie rights to his divorce case and makes millions with his screenplay, "Cruisen for A Bruisen".

Sporting News
The New York Yankees do not win the World Series and apply for a government bailout.

The Cubs do not even make it to the regular season. Major League Baseball disbands the organization for being a failure for 100 years.

The White Sox win the World Series.

The Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup and precede to put former owner's ashes on their home ice and skate all over him.

Barack Obama includes in his inaugaration speach a 10 minute bit about how you know Sarah Palin is a redneck.

Congress passes legislation stating the George W. Bush was not president, but just a goofy experiment gone wrong. Issues world wide apology.

Peace is finally reached in the Middle East when Isreal and the Palestineans decide to let American Idol voters decide their fate. They also uncover documents detailing that their differences were all based on a mispelled word.

Hillary Clinton is found on many occassions pretending to be president in the Oval office.

My blog is featured as her llama's favorite. I finally get my shot to be a Skype guest. Sadly, I have a terrible case of gas which gets me cut off her show.


Scott Ploch said...

Oh my. You are hungover right? I might have to fire up my blog sooner.

Scott Plocharczyk said...

My blog is reopened everyone feel free to stop by.

Mar said...

Oh the llama song replaces the Beyonce song in my head.

But, your 2009 predictions make for good reading. What? Just a measly one million/voter? Sorry, but that won't buy me many days of lobster and steak and much bling, bling. Excuse me while I fire up the hot tub and uncork some bubbly.