Whatever Happened To Freedom Fries?


This morning while brushing my teeth I was reading my Dixie cup.(I have to read sometime.) These are cute. Each cup has a different animal on it and shows how that animal is pronounced in three different languages, English, Spanish and French.

Did you know Panda is Panda in English, Spanish and French? I do. So now when I travel to Mexico or France I'm covered.

But, while I was learning my French I almost forgot I hate France. As all good Americans are supposed to. I almost forgot how those Iraqi lovin' Frenchies dissed us when we went to go make this world a safer place and kicked some Iraqi butt. Whooo! (two hand high five).

Did we forget this hate? Do we like France now?
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE SENT ME A FRIGGIN' MEMO?

I have been making sure when Jimmy talks about Pandas he's not using the French Panda.

I want a new boycott though.

I think we need to send a serious message to China about all the stuff they're doing. So from this point on I will no longer order Chinese food, but Freedom food. I will only play Freedom checkers with my son. My family will eat on the good Freedom on Sundays and holidays or when guests are over. And if we had one, we would put the good Freedom back in the Freedom cabinet.

Come join me. Help me to get China, I mean Freedom, to change their ways.

ARE YOU WITH ME?

I SAID, ARE YOU WITH ME?

Notre Dame, Stanford, Northwestern, Dorky Disciples, Latin Morons?


As a parent I have found that everyday is filled with difficult choices. And as a concerned parent I realize each decision can effect the well being of my son.

Fruit Loops or Mini-Wheats.
Candy bar or piece of fruit.
Clear your plate or stop when your full.
Public school or private school.
Homeschooling?
Soccer or baseball.
Bedtime?

You get the point. So many things parents have to consider. Well, after reading a story out of Denver I'm faced with another difficult choice.

The story involves two teenage parents fighting over a difficult choice. Both parents were so passionate about their position the police were called to get involved. They were fighting over which GANG their 4 year old should join.

(face of shock and awe)

I know there are many cultures in this world and I live in a relatively normal and safe environment. But this is just crazy. I'm saddened to know that this goes on. Toddlers futures being tossed into the wood chipper, for what?

This is a town just north of Denver. Not a place I would pinpoint as a hot bed of gang activities. So for those of us living near a big city like Chicago what do we do?
We educate and love our children, that's what. Even if you're not a parent find a way to educate and love a child.

It may sound cliche, but it's true. The kids are our future.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
or
Meal Or No Meal


This is a great country.

I really truly mean that.

In this country anyone can create a platform from which to promote their ideas. The blogging world is a great example. Look at my meteoric rise to fame with my blog.

For those a bit more ambitious, you can create an organization or association to promote your platform. A very famous group and favorite of mine is People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). This is the organization devoted to protecting the rights of animals against cruelty. They are famous for throwing red paint on people wearing fur coats or leather pants. (How come you can have a leather coat, but not fur pants?)
Annnyway.
I generally agree with PETA that animals should not be tortured and deserve to be treated humanly. I also believe, however, that if a medical advancement can be achieved by testing with animals then that testing should be done.

PETA, obviously, is against the consumption of meat. Because we all know meat is animal muscles. PETA spends a lot of time and money trying to get people to stop eating meat. Their latest idea, I think, is going to backfire.

PETA is offering $1 million to a laboratory that can invent artificial meat. The meat must be "indistinguishable from chicken" (this tastes like chicken) in order to win the prize. I don't think PETA thought this one through.

Two points.

1. Who do you think the laboratories are going to use to test their "indistinguishable from chicken" Lab-O-Chicken on? ANIMALS!
2. Do you think any non-PETA members would think it is safe to eat Lab-O-Chicken? Um no!

I just wonder when the PETLOC, People for the Ethical Treatment of Lab-O-Chicken, organization will be formed.

BREAKING NEWS..........
This just in.
PETA has rewarded the $1 million prize to.............










McDonald's for their Chicken Nuggets. PETA said they were unaware McDonald's had already invented the artificial chicken because none of their members had ever set foot in a McDonald's restaurant since June1981. It was that way until, during a recent protest of the chain, that a protester with a bladder control problem was forced to use the bathroom at a McDonald's in Sacramento.

P.S.


I'm not sure if people reading my blog ever go back to read comments from older posts. Those who do are familiar with my Bush-loving Anonymous.

I've stated, as have many, that Bush is probably the worst President we have ever had at the worst time in our country's history. If Bush were President in 1941 we'd all be eating sourkraut for breakfast. Well, maybe not, but the world would be much different.

Anyway.

My friend Anonymous had this to say recently;

I find it funny that if America is hated so much why do so many people want to move here (both legally and illegally).

The United States has done more good for the rest of the world than any other nation. This despite the many ingrates that live here and in other countries.

President Bush understands that Islamic terrorists only understand force. They have been under the impression that America is a paper tiger. In that part of the world people will always favor a strong horse.

I know I am wasting my time discussing this with you. I just wonder who you will blame if a Democrat wins the White House for any of your problems.

Well, if things were this bad with a Democratic president I would blame them as well. The President has the ultimate responsibility to make things work. When I say make things work, I mean for everybody here first and then the rest of the world.

Bush's actions and inactions have made his friends very rich. Halliburton and all the oil companies just to name a few.

I also understand the use of force in dealing with radical Islam. But, has it ever been asked why the radicals hate us so much that they would devote their lives to try to destroy us? It should, at least, be asked. I don't suggest we huddle around a campfire and sing John Denver songs, but there should be a dialog.

To answer your question,

"if America is hated so much why do so many people want to move here (both legally and illegally). "

Despite our many flaws we are still free. Free to be rich, free to be poor. Free to argue in public whether or not our President is a boob.

Clean The House, The Pope Is Coming


I can't imagine being under any more pressure than having the Pope visiting. The Pope is here in the U.S. for about a week. I'm sure the whole of New York and D.C. are chewing every last fingernail.

I'm sure at the White House Laura Bush made George put away all his hunting magazines and told him, "no swearing or making farting sounds".

I see Bush and the Pope on opposite sides of the class and intelligence scales. The people working in the Office of Protocol have probably been putting in overtime getting the President ready for this visit.

Items Discussed

• No slapping Pope on the back
• Don't ask for a ride in the Pope mobile
• Don't congratulate him on his victory in winning the title Pope
• No knock knock jokes

Just A Thought


Remember how McDonald's use to use those Styrofoam boxes for their food?

Watch this for laughs.

Then the environmentalists pressured them to switch to paper because the Styrofoam would never break down in a landfill in a million years. So now they use paper which will break down which is good for the environment. I'm all for that.

I'm wondering why don't they take that Styrofoam technology and apply it roads, carpets, and children's shoes?

I mean if that stuff won't break down for millions of years why not make roads out of the stuff? Here in Illinois it seems like they are fixing brand new roads every year. The carpet I bought just a few years ago looks quite worn. And my son's shoes don't seem to last as long as they should.

Even if the claim that Styrofoam won't break down in a million years is off by 90% it's still a better deal then whatever they're using now.


FYI
Still waiting for Anonymous to supply two things Bush has done to better our country.
(tumbleweed blows across the road)

Dear Anonymous


Yesterday in my blog I expressed my bitterness towards my recent financial and physical downturn since Bush took office. I failed to mention that I know many others that are in the boat as I am. People highly trained and experienced forced to do jobs that pay far less then what they were accustom to. So please don't mistake my story as an isolated situation.

I received an reply from an anonymous person;

I can see how you may be anti-Bush about some things, but to blame the guy for your current economic situation doesn't make much sense to me.

Why not blame it on people making stupid business decisions and playing games with real estate.

Anonymous is not alone. I've seen this type of devotion to Bush quite a bit. It's blind and stupid. The above statement is stupid because Bush is also the reason behind the current real estate disaster. Please read this article from the Washington Post that explains how Bush did NOTHING to stop the real estate mess.

My brother Scott then invited, no begged, Anonymous to provide two things Bush has done to make this country better.

(cricket sounds)

I extend this invitation to all my readers. Give me TWO examples of how Bush has made this country a better place. There's a better chance of me walking before we can count #2.

One Word


Hundreds of millions of dollars are being spent for a job that pays $500,000 per year. Hundreds of hours are being spent writing speeches on every topic under the sun. Thousands of hands are being shaken with the hope of connecting to just one more person. Yet, despite all those efforts everybody is pouncing on one word spoken by one of the candidates.

"Bitter"

Clinton and McCain realize Obama is the media favorite if not the American favorite in the Presidential election. They have been unable to dent his public armor for months. So they scrutinize every move, word, and action he makes hoping he'll slip up. Well, here's what they got.

Obama said,

"You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them, and they fell through the Clinton Administration, and the Bush Administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

Obama's critics are focusing on the word "bitter" as opposed to his message. Which, I feel is true. But, for some reason truth is secondary to vocabulary.

I don't care who you plan on voting for. I just hope you hear the messages past the words. I know I'm bitter. Before Bush took office I was making good money for a big company and I was more physically able because of that job. One year after Bush takes office I was unemployed. I haven't come close to making what I used to and because of my inactivity I have lost most of my physical strength and independence. Am I bitter, hell yeah.

I won't mislead you. I am able to work my computer. I do have my own business which keeps me busy thanks to my brother-in-law and Vista Family Medicine. But, I really do have to work from home unless I have another brother-in-law to travel with me because I need help doing things I use to be able to do independantly. Am I bitter, hell yeah.

Am I gonna vote, hell yeah.

Never Go Against the Family


I was thinking about the Texas polygamist family. So many kids, so many people messed up under the name of a family. The sad part is that the kids that are old enough to, somewhat, understand will have lost their only known family forever. Somewhere between the bizarre aspects and moments of there lives I'm sure there where family moments. A book being read at bedtime, games being played, laughter about something silly. The things we "normal" families take for granted.

As anybody can attest, families can be odd. My family is no exception. Growing up I would look forward to summers. The family would get together and eventually there would be a water fight. Not kids between kids, but adults. From a kids perspective there is nothing more hilarious than a grown-up being pushed or thrown into a pool fully dressed. It didn't matter if the pool was 2 or 5 feet deep or in-ground, if you were dry eventually you were gonna be wet.

Or special event parties where both sides of the family were crammed into the house or garage. Everybody brought something to eat and nobody left hungry.

But, time marches on and things change. Then at some point, and I don't know why, the only time you see family is at weddings and funerals.

I realize families grow and sometimes have to move away. But, there are families that are geographically close yet they never see each other. I live four blocks away from a 1st cousin. I have for nearly 20 years. Yet, I have never been to his house nor he to mine. As far as I know there is no family rift. We just never make it a point to see each other.

My in-laws, I can't leave them out. I am fortunate when I get to talk about in-laws. My wife's family is great and I am happy to call them family. Yes, some are nutty, I wont lie and I wont give names. When we first got married I was surprised to see how often the WHOLE clan got together for organized events. It was great because we all had great fun.

But, time marches on and things change. Then at some point, and I don't know why, the only time you see family is at weddings and funerals.

Does it have to be that way? I hope not. I hope the family members reading this understand that I miss seeing you all. We are family. The family we have is all we will get. Let's not wait until Jimmy's wedding to get together.

Iraqian War Idol


During the day yesterday I was listening to the Iraq report. This is where Gen. Petraeus answered questions from Senate Panels about the war. This was very serious stuff. The future of the world is being effected by this war and these leaders were discussing it in detail. As they should. Communication is the foundation of any civilization.

But, I have a problem.

I see funny in everything. I couldn't help but think these hearings looked like American Idol to me. There are three main judges to focus on. One black man (Obama), one white female (Clinton), and one white grumpy man (McCain). I was expecting to see and hear Ryan Seacrest to put his arm around the General and ask him how the panel's comments made him feel.

Then a phone number would go up and America could call in and vote as to whether we stay in Iraq or leave. Of course you would also have the option to text your vote of "stay" or "leave". Standard texting rates will apply.

I'm going to watch again today to see what the results are.

All joking aside, as much as I hate this war, you have to respect a four star general. He was given a crappy war plan designed by Bush and is trying to make it work.

One Less Gun On The Streets


Normally I would never speak poorly of the dead, but this one time I must.

Over the weekend Charlton Heston died at the age of 84. As an actor he was larger than screen he played on.

He made movies.

Nothing artsy about Heston. I remember watching "The 10 Commandments" as a child. I grew up believing Heston WAS Moses. Of course, when I saw him in "The Agony and the Ecstasy" I thought HE was Michelangelo. He became the character. Not an easy thing to do and many actors can't do it like he did.

The flip side of this actor was that he lived his life as a proud American. He was president of the National Rifle Association from 1998 until 2003. As my regular readers know I differ with Mr. Heston's opinion on gun control. He loved his gun rights and I don't like them at all.

My Mom reminded me about about his famous quote in regards to his gun rights being taken away from him by the then Clinton Administration, he said, "from my cold, dead hands." It's a great quote and he delivered just as well as this one from "The Planet of the Apes".

I always wondered if he talked liked that all the time. Imagine him ordering breakfast at Denny's.

"I want two eggs scrambled, and they better not be poached!"

Of course, you have to read that line with the same intensity as Heston would have.

My sympathy goes out to the Heston family. Your lose is great.

To the rest of the world, at least there is one less gun owner.

His Job Sucks

I'm sure you have seen those Dyson vacuum commercials where the guy admits he has spent like 20 years inventing a better vacuum. Well, I've never vacuumed with a Dyson so I can't say if they are better than an old Hoover or Dirt Devil. To be very honest I didn't realize there was any problems in the world of vacuums that could justify the Dyson guy to devote his life to making a new vacuum. But, hey, everybody needs a hobby. Some people collect lint others suck it up. Who am I to judge?

But now Mr. Dyson is doing it again with his Airblade hand dryer. He didn't like the old hand blowers you find in public restrooms. He thought they didn't dry his hands fast or well enough. So he spent another 10 years building a better hand dryer. The premise is using high-speed focused air to blast any wetness from your hands. He claims his dryer is, among other things, more hygienic. Well, I just happen to see his Airblade in action at the Museum of Science and Industry. It does what he claims it should. Blasts that yucky germ carrying water right off your hands.

But, and this a but that might send Dyson away to invent again, where does the yucky water go? From my observations, on the floor, the wall, your shoes, and the Airblade itself. The bottom of the Airblade I saw was splattered with watermarks from who knows how many past hands. This Airblade was also at the perfect height for small toddlers to just wipe their hands and mouths all over. Back to your garage or workshop Mr. Dyson. This time invent an antibiotic that will make people not get violently ill after using your high-tech petri dish of doom.

Mr. Dyson did get me thinking. If I had nothing better to do what annoyances would I spend years of my life trying to invent away. Just a few thoughts.

• A voice activated TV or radio remote control that would change the station immediately upon hearing pre-programmed voices. Mine would include Kelly Ripa, Barbara Streisand, and Rosie O'Donnell.
• A smarter caller id for your phone. Depending on the number calling, your phone can hang up, play a specific message, or answer speaking a foreign language.
• A smart vacuum. A vacuum so smart that it will suck up food within 10 seconds of dropping it. Oh wait. That already exists, a dog.

Reason #757 Cubs Are Losers


Just yesterday I wrote about how it took the Chicago Cubs 132 years to erect a statue of one of its players. One might think extra care would have gone into every last detail of the event, including the statue. I mean there were a lot of important people there including our governor and senator. We can't forget all the press and fans that were there taking photos to cherish this historic moment.

All those photos will have captured a metaphor of Cub's history. A mistake etched in stone.

Ernie Banks famous quote, "Let's play two."

Simple quote. Unfortunately, they forgot the apostrophe.

"Lets play two."

I'm the first to admit I make mistakes. I dont alway's use the apostrophe correctly. And I don't fault the sculptor. I just think it's a great metaphor on Cubs history.

They always get it wrong.

Reason #756 Cubs Are Losers

It took them 132 years to erect a statue of one of there players, Ernie Banks. Talk about erectile dysfunction.

Harry Caray had a statue in 1999.

Banks hit 512 home runs for the Cubs over 19 seasons of a Hall of Fame career.

Caray was a announcer for 16 seasons with the Cubs. He never won a game for the team.